Obituary of John Fairbank Lacey
John Fairbank Lacey, 73, died peacefully on January 9, 2025 in Morristown, NJ.
He was born on December 9, 1951, in Queens, NY, to parents Norman Fairbank, a meteorologist, and Jane Nelms Lacey, a teacher. He grew up with his siblings Nancy and Jeffrey in Mendham and enjoyed summers helping his grandparents on their Altamont, NY dairy farm, Meadowdale, which was celebrated for its Guernsey cows and birdsfoot trefoil for cattle feed.
Like his father, Bud, he graduated from Deerfield Academy in 1969 and as the fourth generation of Lacey from Amherst College in 1974, where he was a proud member of the Delta Kappa Epsilon (DKE) fraternity—one of the oldest such organizations in the United States, of which six American presidents were members. Its motto, “the gentleman, the scholar, the jolly good fellow,” was a notion John exemplified throughout his life.
He was especially proud of having coached, in 1977, an undefeated Babe Ruth team in Brookside, NJ, during which time he drove an orange Porsche 912; he kept all the equipment in the front trunk. His brother, Jeffrey, who played catcher, remembers John once threw a baseball at him for not paying attention—from home plate and hit him in the chest in the outfield.
After getting his start at the Manufacturers Hanover Trust Company and attending Harvard Business School in 1981, John worked as an investment banker for ABN AMRO North America, Inc., for 15 years, where he became Senior Executive Vice President and Manager of the Corporate Banking Division. In 2002 he opened his own partnership, AP4 Capital, LLC. He was a resident of Darien, CT, where he raised his daughters, Morgan and Brooke, whom he loved fiercely.
John was the consummate “superfan” of his daughters’ competitive swimming careers in high school and college, never missing a meet; in fact, he was a regular attendee at Darien High School meets long after his daughters had graduated. Such was his loyalty. At races, he would cheer so passionately that Brooke had to arrange with him in advance that he would not do so. In honor of his daughters’ captainships, his license plate was “2CAPTS.”
As John’s countless friends would attest, this loyalty was a feature of his life. He coordinated his Deerfield reunions, and even attended regular Amherst reunions—outside of his own class. He was something of a communication hub, always reaching out to keep those he loved in the fold with subtlety and tenderness. He had an uncanny knack for remembering moments that were important to people: birthdays, anniversaries, sobriety dates, new jobs. He never missed an event or milestone, no matter how small or how many states he had to cross to attend. And he did so, in his characteristic way, dressed “to the nines” in loud colors and patterns, Lilly Pulitzer jackets and his signature yellow glasses.
He was known for being a connoisseur of things well made—shotguns and sports cars, especially Porsches—and even had the pleasure of owning a few; for his “controversial” politics, his inspiring long term sobriety, and for his beautiful carpentry which made one understand that all “arte” was indeed born out of craftsmanship.
Most of all he was known for his sarcasm and wicked sense of humor, his hearty laugh and the way his smile would curl up under his mustache; his loyalty and love and showing up for absolutely everything; his unceasing encouragement and uncanny institutional memory, and his ability to keep all people from all corners of his life together. He will be remembered for his love and pride for his grandchildren.
John was the quintessential gentleman, a friend to all. He enjoyed a good discussion with smart people and always held his convictions with deep thoughtfulness.
He appreciated the finer things and helped everybody who knew him understand that life was indeed a string of copious blessings. The numerous health challenges and reversals of fortune in his life, including type-1 diabetes, which he battled valiantly, he handled with inspiring grace, levity, and dedication to others.
John’s life was the embodiment of a wonderful code: “Service, gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God’s help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the well-understood fact that in God’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return… These are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes.”
John is survived by his siblings, Nancy Anderson and Jeffrey Lacey (Nicole); his children, Morgan Boghosian (Adam) and Brooke Purcell (James); his cherished grandchildren, Ella (4), Miller (2), James (1), and another granddaughter on the way. He was preceded in death by his parents, Norman Fairbank and Jane Nelms Lacey.
A celebration of life will be held on a later date. Details of the memorial service will be shared once arrangements have been made. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Mendham Township First Aid Squad , Breakthrough T1D (formerly JDRF), or to any organization (there are many) that holds a meaningful connection to John's memory.
